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Not that long ago, our dear Bella was a mere thought in the distance. We didn’t see her coming up behind us two years ago and she has long since then passed us with a “I’m taking on the world!” perspective, casually looking back at us to make sure we are watching and occasionally ready for an encouraging hug. But before she became a truth in our lives, she first scared the heck out of this momma. I did not believe I was ready for a baby and was terrified that we would fail. Kyle and I however had a few things going for us: strong marriage willing to take on anything, faith in God, supportive family, loving friends, educations and good enough jobs. What I am wondering more and more about lately is what if we didn’t have those things? What would I do? What would we do? Would Bella be here? I think most importantly, what would other Christians have done?

I encountered a girl, probably high school age, in that predicament the other month (yea, took me that long to get to this, sorry) at Target in the family planning area. We were alone in the isle and you could tell that as soon as I entered the isle and did not quickly leave she was incredibly uncomfortable. She made sly glances to the pregnancy tests and looked at me one time before just grabbing the most expensive test off the shelf and walking away. Something in me made me blurt out “Excuse me.” And not just once but twice until she slowly turned around and said, with her head down but looking me in the eye, “Yeah?” In my mind I was thinking “What the heck are you doing Colette? Don’t make this any harder for her just shut up and move on!” But something else made me say “You really don’t have to buy that brand, the Target brand works just fine.” Thank God her response wasn’t “Ok crazy lady.” Instead she let go of the tension in her shoulders and slowly held her head up a little higher and said “Oh, do they really work?” “Yeah, it predicted her” I said pointing to Bella in the cart. I smiled at her and said “Just thought you might like to save a little bit of money is all. Good luck.” She thanked me, got the Target brand test and left.

Of course, my now college educated psychological mind was thinking, “Go after her! She needs your help and your phone number in case she needs someone to talk to!” and my creepiness radar was saying “No weirdo! She’ll be fine!” So, I let it go, not wanting to intrude but I really could not stop thinking about the situation. I gave a teenage girl pregnancy test advice which seems silly but what do others do? Give her the stink eye and judge her to death? Granted, she should not be having sex, but the fact is, she did and now might be carrying a life that GOD made. As the mother of that potential breath on Earth, should we Christians really be giving her the stink eye?

This is what has me upset. As a girl who gets pregnant you have the world judging you, but even more than the world, you have the church judging you. It seems to me that our judgement is not helping prevent abortions but is probably pushing more girls into getting them. I understand we do not support premarital sex, but kids are doing it! Are we really going to limit our minds and hearts in teaching about God to what they shouldn’t be doing or should we also show love and redemption in sin?

I am not suggesting is that we ignore the fact that premarital sex is wrong. If you aren’t able to take on a baby, don’t have sex. But what sort of love are we showing to people who fall if we just push them aside and shame them?

More importantly, we say that we value the human life and that the human life begins at conception therefore abortion is wrong. Yet, what do we do to girls who get pregnant?

Is shaming them instead of supporting them really showing an accurate reflection of what we believe the value of a human life to be, both of the mother and her unborn child?

Something to think about. Show our love and we show our God. Show our hate and we show nothing. I prefer to show God. I know that giving a girl pregnancy test advice is not a big deal. But maybe showing her acceptance and a caring heart in a time that shame was written all over her face is enough to make her feel loved in that shame and think twice about her solution to a positive result, if that is what happens. And you know what else? If it happens again I will give her my number. Not because I’m “educated” in talking to others, but just because I am a Christ follower who hopes to help shine His light in a dark world and maybe that light shone in her dark moment will result in something glorifying to God. I did not have shame when I took a test and found out I had Bella. I had no shame and I don’t feel I experienced it from others because I have a ring on my finger. So I was afraid but I loved her immediately. Can we help take away the shame of pregnancy, of carrying a child of God, so that mothers, no matter what their sin, can be free to immediately love their child and have the support of the church? Maybe then people will take our cry to end abortion seriously when we accurately reflect our value of human life.

Parenting was always something that worried me.  Having sort of rough examples growing up, I was not sure what parenting was supposed to look like. When I became a Christian I thought I had a better idea and through my many adventures as a nanny I thought I had an even better idea.  When our friends started having kids and I worked at a shelter for pregnant mothers I felt that I would have a good handle on what parenting is and how to parent well when we had our own. When I got pregnant that world was turned upside down with parenting theories, should’s and shouldn’ts being thrown at us and constantly conflicting advice. Now that Bella has been here for a while (9months! can you believe it?) I don’t really know that my mind is settled with how to parent correctly.  Of course, we have our ideas of what parenting should look like (we don’t care if she plays with our shoes, but I probably wouldn’t get a used helmet) but sometimes I am shocked by what shocks other people (playing with our shoes, I mean, she crawling on the floor anyway) and then shocked at what shocks me that other people do (never saying no or overly reasoning with a 5 year old). Through my extensive training (that sounds pretty good doesn’t it?) in parenting through school and various jobs, I feel confident that I can help a family in need of better parenting skills, but I still wonder if there really is one correct way to do things or at least one style that is better than the others (although we are all individual couples which would suggest we all have different styles…).

What are your thoughts?

first, i would like to say happy birthday to one joel agee, who i noticed had a birthday, according to our calendar, yesterday.  we were hoping that our girl would get to share that day with you, it would immediately make her awesome and cool, but no such luck!  hope it was just the best!

in other news, i had another appointment today at the doctor.  i am 3cm dialated, so really could be any day now for real… thank goodness!  we also got a brochure on birth control… we will not be using the pill (again).  one thing that made us laugh was it gives the percentage chance you have of getting pregnant with each option.  for abstinence: 0-20%   hmmm…..

apparently, no one reads blogs on sundays, so it’s ok for me to talk about nothing interesting and no one will be offended or disappointed.  well, i am pretty sure that is all i do anytime that i blog, but i never do it in bullet points 🙂

  • i have to say my day started at 12 am because i did not get off to sleep until 2 am.  partially because i was not tired, partially because my husband was gone, and partially because i am STILL pregnant.
  • slept in with the hubby (who got home at 5 am) until 9:30 am, where we then shuffled off to church and were imposed by many with “you still aren’t a daddy yet?” and “why are you still pregnant?” questions from everyone we know.  we also saw some friends that started going to our church (is it really “our” church?) three weeks ago and we didn’t even know.
  • on the way home we saw many people standing on the corners holding “vote no on prop 8” signs.  one said “let jesus save, not you”.  sort of made me laugh.
  • watched the raiders get their butts handed to them for a bit before taking a nap with the hubby (because it’s sunday and we can).
  • finished my book “gods in alabama”.  it was entertaining.  next is an anita shrieve novel… yea!
  • had tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, yummy!
  • that’s about it!  anticipating not working anymore and hoping to not get too bored!  any ideas with how i should pass the time waiting for this little girl to decide to show her face to the world???

that’s it i guess.  like i said, not much going on today.  i suppose sunday stats suck, but i happen to find sundays very relaxing and overly enjoyable!  hope yours was too…

 now that we are getting closer to the birth of our little baby, people are starting to ask who i think little bella ruth is going to look like the most…

well, i hate to say it, but the women in my family all look alike.  there is something about the genes of the women in our family that just take over.  literally, i am a copy of my mother who is a copy of my grandma who looks amazingly alike to my great grandmother.

 

 

 so, here are pictures of both me and kyle (kyle being the one on top and me the one on bottom (not that that says anything about our relationship, you sickos)).  i hope that she is a good combination of both of us.  it’s silly because, for those of you who do not know, kyle had straight blond hair and brown eyes when he was little and now his hair is brown and curly and his eyes are blue….

so, there is a chance that our little girl will have straight blond hair with blue eyes…  people will think i am the babysitter, dang it!  i think my only real hope is that she has hair so i can put little bows and pig tails in her hair… it’s too cute!

it’s actually starting to get fun now.  the waiting i mean.  we are ready as we can be so we really are just waiting at this point, but it’s actually not too bad.  i am starting to just wonder about her and enjoy this last part of anticipation of finally getting to meet her after all these months.  i imagine what she may look like, and it’s different every time.  sometimes i even imagine she is a boy (even though they said there is no chance she will be, it’s still kind of fun sometimes).  i imagine what type of music she will like and her first smile at kyle or me.  it’s pretty cool to just sit and think about these types of things.  

which i got to do a lot today because i took the day off work.  i know, i know, i am lazy!  actually, next week is going to be my last week at work.  i feel sort of bittersweet about it.  work has been very helpful with my pregnancy.  i probably would not mind just working until she comes, but i really enjoyed my relaxing day at home.  i was able to get things done.  and we have some blankets and scrapbooking that we want to get started and i am hoping that the last week before her due date is a good time to get that done.  unless she is born of course… then we will just enjoy her! 🙂

anyways, bottom line, waiting is no longer taking a negative toll on me.  i am enjoying every moment and i just think that is so cool 🙂

this was me at 36 weeks….

and growing!

so, last night my husband’s band played a show at the paradise grill near the house and i joined some friends to see them play.  i always love going to kyle’s shows because the music is good (i thought so before we started dating) and it’s just so fun to see kyle enjoying himself in his element.  it was a great time, that is until the class of 88 showed up for their “after reunion” party and there were tons of people in their 40’s acting like high school kids again, only completely trashed.  (why does this happen? it seems when some people get around those they hung out with in high school, they revert back to their old selves no matter what the age… weird).  i am normally really entertained by drunk people but i’m super prego right now and ended up just being tired and wanting to go home around 10pm.  before i left, i headed for the bathroom and had to push my way through the crowd and one guy apparently was offended and made some comment to the girl he was with about how fat i was and that if i wasn’t then i wouldn’t need people to move for me.  she yelled at him saying that i was pregnant and not fat and ended by calling him an ignorant… well, i will leave that part out for the sensitive ones that might read this blog… she was not nice.

it’s funny because i think there is a point that you really know you are pregnant when people are no longer afraid to ask you when you are due because you are so obviously pregnant and not fat… i apparently have been like that for about two or three months.  but sometimes you just feel fat.  like today, we went on a private tour of the hospital (a perk of kyle’s mom working there) and someone asked me if i was having twins.  and it’s not the first time.  am i really that big??  i don’t think so.  i tried to convince myself today that it was actually a compliment because they must feel that i am skinny under all this baby.  which i am not and it’s a pretty bad way to see it as a compliment and i really can’t work it out in words correctly but it works in my mind.  sure, i am 37 weeks and measuring full term, but i still have yet to gain any weight…

i am done being pregnant…

32 weeks….

these things did make me remember something about pregnancy that i was sure grateful for, especially in the beginning.  i started having weird panic attacks where my heart would just start racing like crazy for no reason what so ever, and there were very few things that could calm it.  one thing, that i had at my constant disposal, was the song “you can close your eyes” by james taylor.  short and sweet and never failed to calm my heart.  another thing was a song by a good friend called “say you love me.”  unfortunately i was only able to hear this song on myspace or at a live show (like the one we went to tonight) but tonight we got elijah stephen’s demo cd and now i can listen to it all the time. 

you guys have any comforts for your pregnancy?

so, this is fun… this whole pregnancy thing i mean.  no, really, i have truly enjoyed it.  i feel lucky because other than back pain and occasional nausea, it really has been quite easy on me and i know that some people are having a very hard time or at least did with one of their kids.  Bella Ruth has treated me well.  it has been so cool to know that there is a baby in me that moves around and stuff… so fun.  but i am also done being pregnant… haha!

so, i am 37 weeks tomorrow and i guess that would mean that officially she is ready to be born.  she is full size already and tomorrow her lungs will be fully developed as well as everything else, so she is ready. 🙂 fun times that is for sure.  so far, people are hoping for the 18th, the 19th, the 21st, as well as november 4th and 8th so that she will be born on someone’s birthday.  we are obviously hoping for the earlier dates… 

we are ready to have a baby.  we have everything now that we absolutely have to have and so now all we are doing is waiting.  i am staying busy with work, but starting to get pretty tired.  i think it’s mostly out of being anxious for her to get here!  kyle has been such a great help and i know that i could not do it without him (in more than one way, i suppose).  so, updated i will keep you all!  and pictures will be coming soon!